The Hidden Art of Leadership & Culture Building through Co-Regulation
What Really Matters. Hint: It’s not what you ‘think’.
In high-pressure environments—whether in boardrooms, locker rooms, or the fast-paced world of startups—every action, word, breath, and micro-expression of a leader has the power to shape the emotional and physiological state of the team.
The body language, posture, tone of voice, and actions of a CEO, a coach, or a leader send powerful signals to everyone around them—signals that are interpreted subconsciously by our nervous system more than they are heard.
As leaders, we often forget that how we show up has an exponentially larger impact than what we say. And when we understand the science of emotional and nervous system co-regulation, we begin to appreciate just how influential our state of being really is.
Embodiment in Leadership: What You Do & How You Do It Speaks 10x Louder Than What You Say
When a leader disengages—checking their phone in the middle of a meeting or shows in their body language they aren’t paying attention and engaged—they inadvertently send the signal that no one in their presence nor the topic at hand matters or is of importance.
While they likely don’t intend this, it’s too late and the damage is done; every member of the team picks up on this unconsciously, and a cascade of chemicals and neuro-physiological shifts begins to take place. From a Polyvagal Lens (Porges, 2011), our nervous systems are wired to detect cues of threat, uncertainty, and potential risk in our environments, which happens through a process called neuroception—and this process includes all of the non-verbal signals taking place.
When a leader is grounded, present, and emotionally regulated, the rest of the team can feel it. The opposite is also true: when a leader is reactive, disconnected, or dysregulated, the emotional contagion ripples through the room, unconsciously triggering states of protection, defense and self-preservation in others.
Heart Coherence and Nervous System Regulation
The concept and practice of heart coherence—cultivating a state in which heart rhythms, measured through heart-rate variability, become smooth and synchronized—has profound implications for leadership. Research from the HeartMath Institute (McCraty et al., 2009) shows that when we intentionally slow our breathing, redirect our attention and focus from our head (the thinking brain) to our heart and body, we shift into a coherent state, regulating our nervous system and that of those around us.
What’s happening under the surface through this practice?
When we practice tools such as “heart-focused breathing”, a simple technique to shift into a coherent state, we increase the cues of safety in our internal environment, our autonomic nervous system (ANS) registers this and communicates to the rest of our system that we can move into a regulated state of healing, growth, restoration and optimal performance. A significant part of this is through the activation of our parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) system, which makes us more resilient, emotionally stable, and increases our positive co-regulatory capacity towards everyone around us.
When we don’t practice shifting into and sustaining coherent states? We find ourselves feeling constantly dysregulated, fighting anxiety, frustration, overwhelm, and maybe even shutdown - while simultaneously broadcasting this embodied state to all those around us.
Practice: 1 Minute Heart Coherence Breathing Exercise.
Stories, Narratives, and the Cost of Disconnection
When we think about where we are emotionally, so often, our suboptimal states and reactive responses stem from underlying stories we may or not even realize we’re telling ourselves:
I’m not good enough.
I need this to be a success.
I’m not being heard or seen.
This isn’t fair.
I can’t fail.
They don’t understand me.
Regardless of whether we think or believe these narratives are true, they fuel suboptimal emotional states that are depleting. They can often become a self-fulfilling prophecy as they amplify internal pressure and expectation, increase levels of anxiety and worry, which can be perceived as internal cues of threat from our nervous system. And without a set of tools we can use to shift emotional story and state and partner with our nervous system—such as breathwork, heart coherence, or mindfulness—we spiral into all-consuming negative emotional mindset that compromise our performance, our health and relationships.
In teams, the negative impact expands as the energy cascades outward to each team member. Due to the workings of our nervous system, team members will begin unconsciously mirroring and matching the emotional and nervous system states of their leaders. If the leader is mobilized with anxiety and threat or is in a state of shutdown and disconnection, the team often follows suit.
The result? Disconnection, a shift to self-protection, a “me against them” mentality, and underperformance. If sustained, this culture leads to high turnover, missing targets, negative morale, and lost games and championships.
Leadership Through Embodied Regulation
True leadership is not about scolding or micromanaging. It’s also not about never being emotional or reactive - this is part of the natural human experience. Instead, it’s about emotional awareness and nervous system adaptability. It’s about knowing where our system is and practicing tools that help us stabilize emotionally and shift state and energy. It’s about showing—not telling—your team how to come back to connection, stability, safety and regulation, how to navigate waves of emotional intensity, and how to ground into presence and cues of safety when the pressure mounts.
We can’t demand or even ask our teams to increase their own internal regulation and resilience, we must model it—this starts with us buidling our toolkit for emotional awareness and adaptability, and building a supple and flexibile relationship with our nervous system. When we do the work, our actions, presence, and consistent state begin to create an environment where emotional poise, resilience, and presence are seen, named, and celebrated.
This starts with:
Acknowledging moments of connected leadership—even, and especially, when they come from a junior member or someone out of the spotlight. No action is too small to be celebrated here if it contributes to connection and co-regulation.
Reflecting on the impact of calm, emotionally stable environments: we must observe this in ourself, celebrating the moments where we showed up in a connected and regulated state, and we must observe this in others, and acknowledge and praise these moments as a team.
Meet the body, the system, and the culture where it is: the sailing won’t always be smooth, and we won’t always get it right. When we fall down, or we observe the culture becoming dysregulated, we must first accept and meet this state where it is. Then we can work to create a safe environment where we can hold space with our team to shed light on the current state, and invite others into a conversation about how to re-establish safety, connection, and positive, reinforcing self-regulation. Just this exercise executed well will begin moving the energy in the right direction.
Reflection Questions for Leaders, CEOs, and High-Performance Athletes
How often do I check in with my own emotional and nervous system state before stepping into a meeting, presentation, the locker room, or a game?
What unspoken messages could I be sending my teammates and colleagues through my body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, or presence?
When was the last time I felt anchored and regulated under pressure? What helped me access that state? What was the result?
Who on my team models emotional regulation well, and how does it affect the group dynamic? Is there a way I can come alongside them in stronger co-regulation?
What practices can I implement daily to cultivate renewing emotional and coherence states?
Conclusion
In a world that demands more of our attention, performance, and emotional capital than ever, the most impactful leaders are not those who speak the loudest—but those who show up the clearest, the most emotionally stable, and those who create environments where they allow for connection to others and between the team.
Your emotional & nervous system state are the culture you’re creating.
Scientific References & Acknowledgements
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.
McCraty, R., Atkinson, M., Tomasino, D., & Bradley, R. T. (2009). The coherent heart: Heart–brain interactions, psychophysiological coherence, and the emergence of system-wide order. Integral Review, 5(2), 10–115.
Thayer, J. F., Åhs, F., Fredrikson, M., Sollers III, J. J., & Wager, T. D. (2012). A meta-analysis of heart rate variability and neuroimaging studies: Implications for heart rate variability as a marker of stress and health. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 36(2), 747–756.
Michael Allison, founder of The Play Zone and Autonomic Agility
